BANGDIEYOU

2012-02-17T08:50:00.001-08:00

Perhaps I should die

You should die

We should die

Die die die

2012-02-17T08:48:00.001-08:00

The cool wind blow

You get sick

You get admitted to the hospital

And die

Maybe I'll just die there

2012-02-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

I an going to tire myself out

Till I faint

Or till I die

I don't feel myself anymore

2012-02-17T08:38:00.001-08:00

I hate you

I will never ever forget

I hate you

2012-02-17T08:12:00.000-08:00

All of a sudden, I feel like I'm living a life that's not worth living

What I'm going through now is worst than hell

I don't deserve this. I've done nothing to deserve this

It hurts so badly. Tears can't reduce the pain I'm feeling

I don't get it I really don't get it

I feel like leaving

I don't wanna be here anymore

No one, no one will understand how I'm feeling

You're so helpless

You cry and cry and cry non stop

Nothing is getting better

No..............

It just seems pointless to live like this

I'll just cry

Cry till the middle of the night

Cry till the sun comes

Cry till the sun set

Cry till my tears are dry

Cry till my eyes can't open

Cry till I faint

Cry till I see what will happen to me

Nothing, nothing's gonna help

Ill stay down here and cry

Even till I go mute

Never once, never once my life felt so worthless

I'm feeling so terrible now

Can I just leave..............

I am tired I am very tired

You have no idea how hard I've been hanging on

You have no idea

It's okay everybody dies one day

When you die you'll know how I feel

See inside me

See how I feel

No this is not life

Why is this feeling so terrible

I've been strong for 17 years

It's enough

Bye

2012-02-17T07:19:00.000-08:00

I won't let you off so easily

You mark my words. If you fucking dare to lay your hands on me one more time, I swear I will let you bleed more.

2012-02-16T10:44:00.000-08:00

My sumptuous meal @

店小二

Places where you can enjoy their food.

I really like their food, a lot! It's to my liking! Super to my liking! ^ ^

If you are free you can go and try! It's really nice, the environment is not bad too!

Hahaha I know if you go into their web, the design might look very China-ish and you might thought their food is China China type also but no!!

I am quite picky when it comes to food but I must say, of so many (my so many, is really many , I swear) hotplate tofu I've tried, 店小二's ones is the best!! Best so far!!

去尝，去尝，快点儿去尝它们的铁板豆腐！

Hahaahaha it's worth trying la! :)

I will do random updates like this in the future when I feel like it. Short and sweet. Because I am really lazy to proper update nowadays ah ～ Heh heh

And yes sorry I didn't take any picture of my food because I started eating right when all my food reaches my table haha!

OKIE SEE YOU ALL SOON X

2012-02-15T09:37:00.000-08:00

Thing I want to do / have to do but yet to do

Organise my computer stuffs
Organise my bookmarks (It's piling up like mountain man!)
Exercise to lose weight (hahahaha taking me forever to start)
Shopping (It's never enough ;)

And many more lah!! Hahahah I'm too lazy to list. Sigh why am I forever so lazy right?! Oh my god. Anyway just hope I'll be done with all this as soon as possible. Been dragging it since months ago. And I've got a feeling I'll drag it for months again.

Lol terrible horrible girl.

Anyway YES YES YES HAHAHA I NEED TO SLEEP!!

Goodnight goodnight!

2012-02-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

Back again!

Yes as the title had stated, I'm back again! But ok no, not to do a proper update hahahahaha I'm just too lazy! Just to do a short update, I know my blog is dying ～

Woke up so early today I am so tired lor!! Anyway went to the hospital today. Yes yes the unhealthy Chuxuan, as always. Lol but to be honest, I think I am really super unhealthy, full of illness. Like a burden to my family, keep on spending money cos of my health.

But, oh well!

Height and weight! My mom ah...keep on recording my height and weight. Then when my height is not the same as what she had recorded the last time, she'd

" Ah 看你，有变矮了咯 "

" Wa 不错嘛！还可以长高 "

Er..Okay can. HAHA I mean when different people help you measure your height confirm will have slight difference one mah. And it's the slight difference that my mom went to notice.

But seriously, no matter what my mom says, no matter what the scale wrote. I still believe in myself. That,

I am still growing.

HAHAHA I AM SERIOUS!

I always think that I'm growing taller and taller (bit by bit) Maybe it's just me thinking too much but who cares right, I feel happy thinking that I grew taller.

BUT HONESTLY.

I really think I'm still growing.

Did blood test. Hahaha see my round plaster! There's this little girl inside the room crying and crying so loudly when the needle went into her skin. Then the boy sitting next to me told his mom " Mummy, I think I will cry later too " His mom told him " It's alright to cry a little, don't worry "

Wah then this boy went in ah, hyper hyper came out, smiling sia! His mom is there " I am so proud of you!! " Hahahaha cos apparently that little boy didn't cry.

So I already wasn't feeling very well. Went in see the needle I'm like, omg...

The last time I had injection was when I'm 12 sia! 7 years back leh! The nurse keep on telling me prick prick prick. I thought her prick means my ahma those type, take blood from my finger but waaaaaaaaaaah they take from my hand there

So after awhile my blood test is done. I never cry. Of course lol. My mom was telling me " See, not pain right, tell you already " I am down there like, no it's pain. Just that I can tolerate. Feel damn weak after the blood test dk why.

Then after that my papa came and drive us home!!

My void deck #random hahahahahhaa

This is the normal me

And this is the normal me that kena fisheyed.

Hahahaha!

Super long no take picture of myself already.

Anyway I gotta sleep soon!

Going out tomorrow.

Going out on the tomorrow's tomorrow to have pizza too!

^ ^

So bye people, take care!

Hope you're enjoying your life now too!

2012-02-10T09:28:00.000-08:00

Always my wish

Whoever is doing their job in protecting us from above. Please bless all my family members and relatives with good health. Please let them be healthy. If can, let it be forever. Please protect them well.

It may be a bit too much asking for forever. But they're just too important to me that I don't want to lose anyone of them. Any single one.

They'll always be my priority whenever I make a wish. And I hope with constant wishing, my wish would come true. It's okay if I'm being thought as naive. There's no harm in trying, no harm in believing.

So yes please bless them with good health.

It hurts when someone close to you have to leave you, right?

You should know the feeling, right?

人在做，天在看。

我真心的希望我的愿望会实现

Now, I wish.

Please let them stay with me throughout my life, for as long as possible

Please hear me.

I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

2012-02-06T10:05:00.000-08:00

Like me? (obviously I'm talking about the 2nd one)

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway I'm really too lazy to continue on my O level post.

It's halfway done. Will just post it up when I'm done. (won't be that fast)

Okie take care people, bye!

2012-01-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

Honestly speaking,

Right till now, I am still so interested in knowing who was the one who secretly gave me present during my birthday in 2011.

Half a year gone and yes, I am still interested to know.

But will never get to know. Since we've all graduated.

I am seriously interested to know.

I thought it was from this particular person but that person said it's not.

If you're seeing this, and if you don't mind being anonymous anymore..
You can tell me who you are.

But to be frank.
It's really kind of sweet and nice to receive present like this.
So well once again,

Thank you :-)

2012-01-29T08:55:00.000-08:00

Be right back

Yes I'll be right back to update this space...soon!

Am currently quite enjoying my life hehe.

Will update about my O levels and my working stuffs!

See you guys soon! Goodbye! X

2012-01-06T07:06:00.001-08:00

I Believe…
That just because two people argue,
It doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue,
It doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I Believe…
That we don’t have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.

I Believe….
That no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you, every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe…..
That true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I Believe…
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe….
That it’s taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.

I Believe…
That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe….
That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I Believe….
That we are responsible for what
We do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe…
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe….
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe….
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing
and have the best time..

I Believe….
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe…
That sometimes when I’m angry
I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe…
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had
And what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I Believe…..
That it isn’t always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe…
That no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe….
That our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are, but,
we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe…
That you shouldn’t be
so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I Believe….
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe…
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.

I Believe…
That even when you think you have no more to give,
When a friend cries out to you,you will find the strength to help.

I Believe…
That credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe…
That the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.

‘The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they have.

2012-01-05T06:12:00.000-08:00

2012!

Hey, happy new year guys! Heh, I know it's been quite some time since I last blogged. I kinda lost my interest in blogging. Hahaha my (oh-once-so-strong) interest for blogging is gone ～

But well! I'm still gonna blog once in a while! Will get back to blogging once I've settled most of my stuffs. Maybe gonna change a new blogskin, edit here and there and yep! Start afresh!! But not right now, am currently quite busy :c

Well anyway, glad that my 2011 ended well! I mean I thought I was going to brood over sad matters and then you know...end 2011 and begin 2012 as a sad girl. But...no leh! Apparently I'm quite happy wahahaha. I got back my happiness!!

2012 so far so good! Like real good! Hehe. Hope it's good for you too! Sometimes in life you just gotta 看开 and things would be so much better!

Oh well. Just being a nice girl back to blog this post to wish you all a happy new year! Hahaha. I feel that this year would be a good year to me. Because I've got a lot of plans in mind. After I'm done with my current important things, I'd proceed on to the next!

So on and so forth...

Me to the journey of becoming a better Chuxuan! Let's go!

Anyway, check this out.

Is your eyes really like what it described?

Okie that's all. Till then, see you guys soon, hopefully hehe.

Bye! X

2011-12-20T11:06:00.000-08:00

Okay. Er. Apparently, I forgot why I came here. There's something I wanted to blog about. But I kinda...forgot what is it?

Oh yess. Haha I went to nua on my bed and chill after writing the above paragraph and I remembered what's my purpose of writing this post.

I wanted to say that. My complexion had been very bad recently. Probably..because it's dry? Not really leh. I've no idea how to describe to you guys how bad my complexion is. Just look unhealthy. Maybe staying up late is the reason. Holiday's here! Yep, ever since it started, I've been sleeping real late real late. Sometimes even till 4am, 5am, 6am or even 7am I'm still awake. Haha oh yea few posts below it was up to 10am and I'm still awake!! Hahaha

Will try to sleep early. Try okiez. I look so cui now. Got this really unhealthy look )': But actually to be frank. I think all the while I look unhealthy. Just that probably holiday all this late sleeping made it worse.

2012 is coming ～

But before that, Christmas is coming!! R u all excited?! Because I am, hehe ^-^

Ah, how I wish I can spend my Christmas, my New Year, my Chinese New Year, every special occasion...

with him by my side =)

That'd be great hor. Haha. But you know, who knows!

Maybe my wish will really come true ;) Cos cos....hehe secret!

Anyway, 2011 is ending. Like fast huh. My Secondary School life ended too. I'm kinda sad over that fact )-: No more uniform for me unless I go JC? Argh. Will definitely miss those days I wear uniform. Those days when I'm a kid.

What's so bad being a kid? Afterall, you won't have so much problems, you know. Like really. As you grow up, people's mind starts getting complicated and they get complicated and all the problems just come out. It's just...life I guess?

Very fast. Really very fast. Turning 17 next year.

Like woah, 17..

I'm not young anymore. I think it's time for me to do something about my life?

And it's very sad that at the age of 17..I am still so short. At the age of 17..I'm supposed to be 170! But why I now still....)': When you grow up, when you get older yet your height doesn't increase (actually got lah, bit by bit) you doesn't seems to grow up at all. Like, still a kid man!

Ah can cry a river....Nah just kidding.

I actually kinda love myself, haha. I love being me. Even if you give me a chance to be others, be a girl who is taller, who is prettier, I guess I won't want to. Cos I kind of love being me, love my life? I think I am very fortunate and blessed and I'm so thankful for that.

There might be days in my life which are bad...but I mean, whose life doesn't, right? Haha just get over it, be strong, get back up and start appreciate the world again. It's a beautiful world.

I'm glad that I've such an awesome dad. My pa is really great ok! Hehe. My mom too. Though she can get really....annoying at times. Like serious, very annoying and unreasonable, but I still love her hehe. Like of course, she's my mom eh?! Of course not forgetting my bro. Haha. My bro who is getting more and more brotherly! Woo finally. Hahaha :b

See, ain't I fortunate? Hahaha. Yes I am *nods head* There's so much reasons in my life for me to be happy actually. That's why I love being me. I am showered with love. Lots of love. Most of the times, I get things I want. I've an unforgettable childhood with my bro and cousins. I'm a really happy kid :-)

Just that sometimes, some people, some things just came into my life and try to break all this happiness of mine. I admit, that as you age, being genuinely happy gets harder. But what?! Life's short. I'd rather be happy and enjoy than to get sad and cry and cry and cry, yeah this time really can cry a river. Haha!

Nahh. I mean it's okay if I get down sometimes. Like..you can't probably expect 365days in a year you are all smiling like :D right. Of course there would be days you'd be sad. Sad sad sad....Can, just ensure you get better in the end can already ;)

Ahhh in short, I'm a fortunate, blessed, happy girl. Haha. You know another reason why I'm not so desperate like some girls (yes they're desperate) to get into a relationship is because, I feel so loved!! Hahahaha feel so loved from so many aspects, my family my friends (even guys friend) that I think getting into a relationship is not something that I'm desperate for. It'd just be a bonus for me if I get into a relationship. Because I'd be able to experience that special kind of happiness I get from my boyfriend. But, no hurry :-) Hehe cos I waiting for him you know!! Hahahaahahahaahha ok kidding kidding :b

The reason why their relationship don't last is because, they get into it not because they really love each other. But rather, it's because they want to feel loved. That is (no offence lol) kinda sad. Really. Yah la I sound a bit not happy about this fact. Because, seriously? Think? You get into a relationship not liking that person but cos you want to feel loved. Then you know this relationship ain't gonna last, when you guys break, u cry. Yah and u cry. And u cry.

Ok la sorry if I sound mean. But I really can't stand this kind of people zz Nevermind, shall shift back the topic to THE HAPPY ME HAHAHA.

Ok so right. 2012 is starting. I need to make plans. Plans to improve myself! To make myself a better person! Because I've been staying constant, not improving myself for these past few years...how can right? I know.

So I ought to make some changes now! Morever, they say 2012 we're gonna die? So if I improve myself, even if I die, won't have regrets right! Like you die...AS A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU ARE IN 2011!! Okay abit nonsense. Because who aims to get better and then...die -_-

Anyway so shall I, with all this changes (hopefully I'm determined enough la hahahaa) be a better person in 2012!

WOOO ～ LIFE'S GOOD, YEAAAAAH!!

Haha ya hahahahaha. I'm really quite reluctant to grow up.

But can I even stop this? It's a process that I've got no ability to stop ～So face the fact and grow up!

I'll grow up and be a lady, filled with love, filled with happiness, enjoying my life.

Picture that ;)

Because years down the road, that'd be me man

Lim Chu Xuan.

*winks*
Hahahahahhhahhhahhahahhhhahahaahhaahahahah

Anyway I hope I'd be enjoying life together with my family! My aunts! My ahmas! My cousins! My bestie! My friends! My loved ones! With all of them!

When I grow up, I'm gonna be successful and earn big bucks, enjoying life together with them!

Because.....I just them ♥ so much!!

How much?

I love you all this much!! Hahahahahhahahhahaha

No la way more than that man!! Love you all till infinity muacks muacks muacks. Because you all made me so happy. Without you people, there won't be happy Chuxuan! So I really love you all!!

You all are the precious diamonds of my life!! Eh...Y I suddenly become so mushy ah? LOL I also don't know.

Anyway it's 3:00 in the morning and I'm feeling so hyper! Wanted to just blog about my cui face but ended up I've no idea how I link it to here hahahaha. Super off topic.

Well anyway, I'm getting my O level result soon! In January. Though I don't know January when, hahaha. Because they never inform us!!! Okay I just hope I'll do well. I really pray pray pray pray until I cannot pray that I'll do well. Because I don't wanna disappoint anybody. Be it my mum, my dad, my aunt, my ahma, or even my tutor, i just....don't wish to disappoint anyone.

The feeling of disappointing people, trust me, it really sucks. Especially disappointing those you love so much. So please please please I beg you, let me score good? Pretty please. I really need to do well!! Ah yeah, this one I'm desperate. Yes, I'm desperate to do well.

I'll spend my Christmas wish my new year wish, wishing that I'll do well for my O's. Give me fantastic result ok!! Though my English...was screwed cos of my nervousness )': It was really very bad okay. I am so sure that without my nervousness, I'd score grades better. Normally my English gets a B4. I was hoping for O's maybe I could get a B3 or better. I'd be happy. I could. But with all the nervousness of mine....damn, I don't even know if I can pass now. It's really very wasted. Very very. The thought of it can kill me, omg.

Please bless me with good results, ok?

I will love you if you do.

Please please please let me get good results.

Thanks! Let me start my 2012 good ok?! Love you a lot!

2011-12-20T07:19:00.001-08:00

This is

One of the thing I hope to do in my life.

2011-12-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

I miss my friends. I miss my classmates. I miss my schoolmates. I miss my classroom. I miss my teachers. I miss my classmates' jokes. I miss my classmates' nonsense. I miss fooling around with my friends. I miss recess time. I miss seeing the boys in my class fighting. I miss seeing them disturbing people. I miss all those talk we had. I miss morning assembly.

I miss, I miss....

I'm missing a lot of stuffs. And it's getting me kinda upset somehow. 4 years. 4 years ain't short. But it just gone like this. How I wish I could be back to the first day when I'm a Sec 1 student. And enjoy my Secondary School life all over again, with those friends of mine, those awesome classmates of mine.

I am just bad, very bad in dealing with separations.

Ah, bring me back to those days?

I really miss all of them, so much.

2011-12-16T01:49:00.001-08:00

LEO - The Lion

Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo’s problem becomes everyone’s problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

2011-12-16T01:37:00.001-08:00

"Do all the good you can, By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can, In all the places you can,

At all the times you can, To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can."

2011-12-16T01:07:00.001-08:00

2011-12-16T01:05:00.001-08:00

亲爱的，

你要让我等多久?

2011-12-16T00:02:00.000-08:00

Beautiful days, when I'm with you.

"Your life is right now! It’s not later. It’s not in that time of retirement. It’s not when the lover gets here. It’s not when you’ve moved into the new house. It’s not when you get the better job. Your life is right now. It will always be right now. You might as well decide to start enjoying your life right now, because it’s not ever going to get better than right now—until it gets better right now!"

2011-12-15T10:02:00.000-08:00

I wish..

Right now, I wish he's here with me. Because I know only he has the ability to make me smile at times like this. Make me smile, right from the bottom of my heart. Make me happy, genuinely happy.

I wish he's here with me, to go through this stage of my life together with me. To comfort me. To console me. I really love the way I feel when I'm with him. I really feel so happy. So so happy.

" Anyone can make you smile. Many people can make you cry but, it takes someone very special to make you laugh with tears still in your eyes. "

And he's that someone special. Someone special, to me. I'm so sure, so so sure that he can make me laugh even when I still have tears in my eyes. He will stop the tears from coming out before it even do.

I'm just glad that at least when I'm all upset and stuffs, thinking of him would make me feel better. Thinking of those times we spent together. Those silly times. Ha-ha, he just never fail to make me smile :-)

How I hope I can share all this with him. But, I don't think I'm going to. I don't know how long am I going to protect that person's reputation but, for now, yeah I'm still going to.

Silly to be hurting yourself just to protect someone else. But...forget it. I guess I just have to learn to become stronger during this period of time. I believe after this, I'll turn much stronger, so much stronger.

Though it's really tough now...no matter what I'm still gonna pull through.

It'll take me a lot of time. But I will.

2011-12-15T09:40:00.001-08:00

你还记得吗？

2011-12-14T09:59:00.000-08:00

告诉我，真的那么糟糕吗？

Does it matter? Does it really matter?

Probably, not anymore.

好想好想去一个没有人的地方

把一切都哭出来

真的很难过...

这种感觉

真的是挺难受的...

2011-12-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

我好想你，你能回来吗？

Till now, I still can't accept the fact. Accept the fact that you've changed. Nothing, nothing gonna bring who you once were back. Everything, everything that we've been through, do you still remember?

I guess, not. Even if you still do, what's the point, right? Because everything mean nothing to you now. Someone who used to mean a thing to you, someone who used to be special in your heart, someone who used to be so close to you. It used to be so perfect. But just in a while's time, it turned nothing.

It all became nothing.

18 more days to the end of 2011. 18 more days to the start of a new year. 18 more days to 2012.

I don't want to bring this sadness with me to start my 2012. I've never wanted that and I would never want that. Can you return me the happiness you took from me?

Why has it got to be you. Really, why has it got to be you? Why has it got to be you who hurt me so much? You used to bring me happiness. But now, it's nothing but sadness.

Can someone tell me what to do? Can someone tell me what am I supposed to do? I'm really feeling so horrible now. This sucks, everything just sucks. How are you going to do so? How are you going to forget someone who used to mean so much to you?

Do you all have any idea how bad it hurts? How long am I going to take to get over this. Why has it got to be you who ends my 2011 like this.

Why? Can you tell me, why? Do you have a lot so say to me? Do you? Can you tell me? Can you just tell me? Can you give me an explanation? An explanation as of why everything became like this?

哭过就好了？

那为什么，我哭了那么多，却一点好也没感觉到？

I want to get better. Please let me be. Even if it means getting numb to the pain. Just not let me get sad anymore. Just give me back all the happiness I once had.

Maybe, maybe I just have to take more time.

Take more time in the future, to see who they really are.

I don't wanna feel this hurt, all over again.

I don't want..

2011-12-09T08:08:00.001-08:00

Things I wanna do before 2011 ends

A list of it. Gonna come to it, when I'm less busy.

2011-12-06T17:33:00.001-08:00

Hi Everyone. Am having a sad face not cos something bad happened. But cos I haven't been able to sleep this few days. I mean....insomnia you know? It always took me quite some time before I can really get into my deep sleep.

And well today, the 7th December. It's currently 10am. And guess what?

Yeah man...I'm still awake -_-

I tried to sleep at 5am and toss and turned for an hour. Woke up and grab some biscuit to bite on. Walk around the house like a boss. Tried getting back to sleep. But obviously, I failed. And that's why I'm here.

Ah well. My body is just playing with me. It always refuses to sleep during the night.

When I'm actually...supposed to be sleeping!!! Argh

Every night I'm up alone with just a few friends accompanying me.

And every morning when others are up, I'm all alone in my sleep, with just a few other nocturnal kids who are like me.

Oh man, what kind of life am I leading.

Supposed to be sleeping and yet,

Yeah....I'm right here taking pics. Fooling around

Oh well! Guess I just gotta force myself to sleep. My father is already out for work and my bro is already out for school. And his daughter, his sis, is still right here, ehem awake...

Okie dokey, Good Morning to all of you guys out there who are awake!

While this boss me gonna get my sleep now.

Goodnightz

2011-12-05T11:31:00.001-08:00

Negative Emotions.

Yeah...Judging from the title, it's not gonna be a happy post, but the opposite instead. Like again. Sigh.. Sorry for posting so much negative posts recently. I don't wanna flood my friends on facebook and twitter with my constant updating of my feelings. So ya...that's why I am here to blog.

It really hurts. Seeing the same person, same appearance, yet this time round, with a total different attitude..Yeah, people change. But I guess, the changes are probably just too much..Too much for me to get used to it in such a short time.

I really wanted to talk to someone about this. Talk to someone to make me feel better. Those close friends of mine had been asking me, what's happening to me. " Nothing, nothing much :) " I really wanted to tell them the truth. The truth that it's not nothing at all. That there's something happening. Something happening...yet I can't tell them. And that's why, that's why it just makes me think that I'm stupid...Hurting myself, torturing myself just to protect you.

I hate how memories of us in the past used to be beautiful. Something that when I look back, it brings a smile on my face. But now, it's just something...that saddens me. Something that when I look back, it brings a tear to my eyes...

But what hurts the most? Is knowing that I am right here, hurting so much but on the other hand, you are there living your life happily. I am not hurt by the fact that I am sad yet you're not. I am hurt, by the fact that, seeing how you live your life now, just proves that you aren't affected by this thing, at all. Which in another word, means you don't even care, not even a bit... You really thought everything is alright?

No my dear, it's not, it's really not...

How could you? How could you just forget everything like this? Everything that we've been through? I really never expect all these. Really never expect that the person who made me tear so much, would be you...

Of all people, but....you?? Why?? I really want to just ignore you. I really want to just forget about you. But after all that we've been through...I can't bring myself to do so. Sometimes I just feel so silly, so silly that after all that you've done, I am still the same old me. The one that is willing to be there for you. Why?? I really want to forget, really want to ignore, like how you do.

But I really can't. So how? How you do all these? All these to hurt me so much..Why must you always change my mood from happy to sad?

I have told myself. That I'm not gonna get sad over you anymore, it's not worth it.

But...the fact that I'm here posting all these, just prove that...

I am still sad. Still sad by the fact that you changed so much. Still sad by the fact that you actually don't care about all these at all. Still sad by the fact that you can just forget everything like this. Still sad by the fact that probably I'm just nothing to you right from the start. Still sad by the fact that we aren't the same as before anymore.

Still sad by a lot of facts............

All those things you told me, are now nothing.

Nothing at all...

Maybe...Just maybe...

I'm still gonna be silly and wait for the day where you wake up. But I'm just wondering....

will that day even come?

I really don't know what to do. I really don't know.

あなたは私にそんなに意味するのに使用....

2011-11-30T10:25:00.001-08:00

Disappointed

Blogging about this particular person I'm so disappointed in.

I've got so much to say. But I decided not to flood my follower's timeline on twitter. So I'm here to blog.

Really utterly disappointed in this person.

Yes. I've got a lot to say about this person. But then again, I can't find the right words to describe my feelings and complete my sentence.

Seriously. Look at yourself in the mirror.

站在镜子前面。照照自己。

你还认得出镜子里面的人是谁吗？

I bet you can't. Because I failed in recognizing the person in the mirror too. I was hoping you could stand up 4 yourself. Prove them wrong and prove me right. That you're not what they say you're. But I guess, rather than proving me right, you've proved me wrong. You've proved that I'm wrong and they're right. And that you're really the sort of person they're talking about.

I've got so many friends. But of all, there's only 1 I could talk to about this matter. Why? It's all because I'm still right here, trying to protect your image. It's all because I'm still right here, trying to protect your reputation. But look. If you aren't gonna help yourself, there's no use in me helping you too.

What you are doing, is what I called, self-destroying. You're literally destroying yourself. Destroying your life. Come on, it's your life. Your life. You ought to do something to help yourself. But instead of doing so, you're becoming from bad to worse.

I've never ever expect you're such a person. I've never ever expect to see so much changes in you. I've never expect all these. But well, expect the unexpected? I guess I just gotta do so.

Trust me. With your current state. Sooner or later, you'll be left with no one, but yourself. Just yourself. You've nobody to blame, but yourself.

Because you've chosen to leave those who really care. And go for those who don't really care about you.

People come and go. Now I truly understand the meaning of this.

And I guess. You're gonna be the first ever person that's gonna leave my life.

It's never gonna be the same again.

It's hard.

You are a big disappointment.

2011-11-26T01:44:00.001-08:00

Everyday is precious. There won't be another day like this.

Because it's never gonna be the same.

Hi people. This lady here just came back from her chalet. Yes me. So I decided update my blog. Yah cos I know, my blog is quite dead recently.

Sorry 4 the lack of update. I was busy studying for my O's. To think about it, I really shouldn't have wasted the 9days for my MCQ, Lol. Because there was a 10 days break before our last MCQ paper. I took it too lightly, I only used 1 day to study. I planned, yes planned (which failed) to actually study during all the 10 days. But seriously, I'm really too playful and relax. Ended up I only used 1 day... And so my result like cui, 29/40. I was planning to get full marks (since it's just MCQ right?!) so it could pull up my overall grade for Science, by a lot. But..well ~ Guess I'm gonna get not so good grades again. But I'd definitely be able to pass my Science though. But cos I was aiming for an A... Which I've never done before in my entire Sec School life I think? My Science sucks... Since Primary Lol. Either fail or just pass. Think I'm only gonna get a B this time round :c Super wasted. Could have scored better, but nevermind. It's over :-)

But anyway, finally O's over! To be frank. I think if people really did study, O's is actually not that hard. It's only the moderation that kills. I did study, of course. Just too late. But I'm so glad that I survived through the horrible part of my life!! Omg I literally gotta re-study everything. And it really does makes me wonder, all these while...what am I doing in class man?! I think I must be sleeping...Typical me. The chapters really all so new to me!! But ok let's not talk about O's anymore. It's over! Just wait for the result to be out in January.

Now...

After O's life

Talking about after O's life. I thought it'd be super relax, super free. But no, I am so wrong. Right after O's, I've been going out every single day. Find people, go shopping, buy prom stuffs. It's really tiring! I think more tiring than studying.. All the walking made my leg so tired!

But ok, guess my relax life is gonna come soon. Haha because my prom is just over! And my chalet too! Still got 1 more upcoming chalet and I think I'll be kinda free alrd! Hehe. Unless I'm going to work. Which I wanted to initially, but...I think I should relax and enjoy first?

Anyway, prom was awesome! Pretty girls n handsome boys. But everything just ended too quickly, 3 hours )-: To be honest...Ha-ha I wasn't looking forward to prom, at all. Ya, at all. Because I dislike all the preparing. I did everything so last minute. Even on the day of prom itself, I gotta go out to buy finish all my prom stuffs. Yes, this shows how last minute I am ~ But wa, prom was good leh! Really! It turned out gr8 :-) Maybe because of the company of wonderful people ~ Which is of course non other than my schoolmates, my friends! ♥ them, Love my school!

And chalet is good too. Ok...I getting kind of lazy to continue writing o: Can I like just summarize everything, Lol. So Chalet was good because it cleared those unnecessary thoughts of mine and being with them just feels good, we're just like one big family, a united one!

Okay I know I am really lazy to sum up till like that, Hahaha! Paiseh la ~ Okay see you all soon, bye!

2011-11-23T07:45:00.001-08:00

Words

Been wanting to blog about this for the longest period of time. But every time, I just fail to find the right words to complete this post. Anyway, this post is gonna be wordy. Very wordy I guess.

I don't even know how I'm gonna start this. But...ya I just got a very strong feel to blog this. Words are powerful thing. Words have the ability to make people happy, sad, angry and so on. But the main focus of this post is not gonna be words, but him. Because in this world, other than words, love is something powerful too. Love makes people happy, sad, angry and all the other emotions we'd be feeling. Ok I am sorry if this post is very messed up. But, I really just wanna blog about it. But I really have no idea how I should phrase all my words and how I should start too..

It's me. Not having enough courage to fight for what i want. Or should I just say, it's me, not having enough courage to even try. Perhaps my thinking is still stuck in the olden days. That things like confessing should be done by the boy and not the girl. Because no matter how much I like you, yes no matter how much, I'd still keep it to myself instead of telling you. That's why sometimes I hope I am a boy, so much. Because if I'm a boy, I won't have to care about confession. Because that's what majority of the people think boys should do. If I'm a boy, I'd go all way to actually tell you how much I like you. And I actually have 100% that feelings between us would become mutual. But at the end of the day, I am not a boy... At the end of the day, feelings are still kept inside me instead of telling you...

Every time, I hope so much that the person who text me, the person who cheer me up when I am sad, the person who calls me, the person who is so good to me, is actually you and not him... So much to the extent that I forgot about his feelings and told him that. Told him how I wish the one on phone with me was you and not him. Maybe I shouldn't have done so. Or I really shouldn't had... I am sorry, I am really sorry if you happen to be reading this. It's not something I want, but the feeling is just so strong that I just told you and neglected your feelings. I am sorry. I am really sorry. I am sorry that maybe I am not as good as what you think I were. 对不起，真的很对不起，是我的错。。I kept asking myself, if I had hurt him from all the cold reply I gave, but... Sigh, I really don't know how to handle things like this. I just hope I didn't hurt him too badly. Or better, I hope everything is just the cause of me thinking too much. 每次告诉别人事情时，偶尔他们都会告诉我 “ 是你想太多了 ” 每次，我都会很坚持的告诉他们，我并没有想太多。

可是，这次我多么希望，他们会告诉我

“ 楚煊，你想太多了”

You know, I can miss anything with anyone. But just not any moment with you. I treasure every moment with you. Every hour with you. Every minute with you. Or even every second with you. I really do. With you, I feel so happy. With you, I feel so safe. I bet you know all these, do you? I know I'm always so mysterious in love stuffs. They'll never be able to guess whose the guy in my mind, no matter how hard they try. Even some of my real close friend got the wrong person. The one that they thought I like, I actually don't. The one that they thought I don't like, is actually the guy. In this world, I guess there's only 3 people other than me knowing whose the guy. Yes...that's actually how secretive I am and how reluctant I am to tell others whose the guy.

I have always thought. If I were to die soon or if the world is ending soon, one thing I must do, I must, is to tell you that, the person I like is actually you. Yes. All along, it's you. Maybe you have guessed it. But maybe my strong denying makes you feel like you weren't the one. But, yes. You are actually the one. Your intuition was right. I've always told myself, if I didn't tell you that the person was you, I might leave the world with regret. And I don't wanna do so.

Another reason why I didn't confess to you, was probably because, I was hoping you would be the one who confess. If you were to confess to me, I'll definitely be together with you. All these years, I didn't get together with all those guys was because feelings between us wasn't mutual. I didn't like them. I only want to get into a relationship, where feelings between both are mutual. I don't want them to tell me " feelings can be nurtured " Yes it can be. But why I insisted not being together with them is because I believe if both parties like each other before they got together, they'll last longer. I don't wanna have relationship that only last for months.

But I guess, maybe you didn't even like me. Your actions doesn't prove everything. Maybe your actions doesn't prove anything too. Maybe you just unintentionally made me fall in love with you. But it's okay

Every moment with you. Be it the one that makes me happy. Be it the one that makes me sad. Be it the one that makes me angry. I treasured every single one of it c: Because at the end of the day, when I looked back, all the memories are just so...beautiful. Even those that I was sad, angry with you, when I looked back, it just never fail to put a smile on my face. I guess, it's because I am with you. c:

And I've thought before. If, if we are to get together, everything might not be as sweet as it is now. Because as you all might hear before, the best part is moments like now c: Even though you'd be sad and all, nevertheless, it's still the best part in relationship. Maybe you'll just get to know about all this one day. And you'll know, actually there are reasons behind all my actions.

I guess the ending is just gonna be like this, since I don't have the courage to fight for what I want. But I guess, I am happy enough :')

"地球上，两个人能相遇不容易。做不成你的情人，我仍感激"

2011-11-18T10:56:00.001-08:00

Woah I just found out you did something very sweet.

2011-11-17T08:06:00.001-08:00

Maybe it's right. You're what they called " sweet, caring, protective " or to sum up everything, " good " But probably just not someone I'm looking for.

I'm not trying to be mean to you. But I'm just afraid that if I were to be good to you, you'd get the wrong idea. To avoid things like this, I'd honestly rather not be that good to you than letting you have false hope. I'd rather you think I'm not as good as what you thought I was than to let you have false hope and ended up telling you " I don't like you " I bet it would be even more hurting this way.

I would definitely prefer us staying at our current relationship and not moving on any further. Frankly speaking, I don't have any intention of going on any further too. Not even a tiny bit. All the things that you did for me. Yes, it's sweet. Yes, it's touching. But still...maybe all I could say is just, we're probably just meant to be good friends. And just good friends only.

I do get all the little hints. Not that I don't get it. But I chose not to respond to it. Feelings fade. And what I could do is probably just, hoping yours would. Sorry if I'm not treating you the way you expect me to. Please don't expect anything from me. Because what you get, will only be disappointment.

Kinda tired of this kind of cycle.

Goodbye.

2011-10-28T18:31:00.001-07:00

Hi I am back again! Just wanna say, it's really very scary seeing so many people scoring sucha high marks for their Maths!! Ohmygod. Will the moderation really be dam bad?

2011-10-28T08:10:00.001-07:00

BEFORE I SLEEP I WENT TO CHECK MY ANSWER FOR PAPER 2.

AND YES!!! HEHE GOT AT LEAST A1.

OK NOW JUST BLESS THAT MODERATION WON'T MAKE ME GET BAD GRADES.

BECAUSE I KNOW MANY OUT THERE SCORED VERY WELL FOR THEIR MATHS.

REALLY REALLY VERY WELL KIND.

OKAY BYEBYE! ^_^

2011-10-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

HI I AM BACK

Yes, for a short while to update about my life. Done with 2 papers, English and Maths. People are getting so crazy over Maths. A loss of 1 or 2 marks makes them " Ah shit shit shit one mark gone, 2 marks gone, ahh!! " Siao?? Seriously, u all aiming full marks?

It's really kinda scary seeing so many people on the net getting above 70/80 yet they're still unsatisfied. Like all of a sudden everyone's Maths became very good. Yes, I won't deny the paper is easy but to the extent of so many people getting above 70/80?? Won't the moderation be dam mad then?

But then I thought again. They got high marks of course won't mind saying on the web. Maybe those who didn't score well didn't post it on net. That's why those that I'm seeing all do very well. You get what I mean? Yes that's what I meant!

LOL THEY VERY DEMORALISING. But it's okay. They should reap what they sow :) I checked my answer on the net for paper 1 and with no moderation, I'd get A1. You shall see the power of moderation when I get back my result next year. I think it'd drop to around C5 or C6. Because my A1 and their A1 are...you know HAHAHA. BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT. Because I did work hard for my paper too. But maybe just not as hard as them.. O: I know they really work very hard lor.

But it's okay. I guess I did my best. Anyway, I did the graph today until I sibei pekchek ok, srsly. THE CURVE RULER DON'T LET ME BEND UNTIL I GET MY PERFECT CURVE. YOU KNOW HOW PEKCHECK ANOT!!! And I think my whole graph question was affected because of that. But really, not that I don't wanna bother about it, but, it's really irritating la! 3MARKS FOR PLOTTING ONLY YET IT WASTED SO MUCH OF MY TIME LEH. I did do the graph la, but anyhow... I REALLY PEKCHEK, REALLY REALLY VERY PEKCHEK.

Ok to think about it....I suddenly have the thought that I might do badly for my paper 2. Not very badly to the extent of failing. Able to pass, definitely but, hopefully will be A1 w/o moderation so at least when moderated, my grades won't be that bad! BLESS ME PLEASE.

By the way. My life now very happening. In terms of something. Definitely not the aspect of studies though! But yea...just happening because of something. LOL And I was playing with something for the past few days. Haha like interesting. After O's I shall show you all!

Okay kinda wordy ah. Nevermind la. I guess you came here because you're bored. So just relax and read ~ Gonna go sleep soon alrd also. Getting tired, when it's only 10:38pm. Wasted my day today. Actually not wasted but like...I wanted to give myself a break. But I like, break for too long LOL

Tomorrow study! Anyway, something disastrous. I haven't started on my Social studies. Nothing at all. I know, very bad. But I really don't wanna spend time on Humanities. I think really very bohua. And I don't wanna use it in L1R4. Cos I think my humans will fail anyway. So like, wasting my time?

Ah I don't know. I just know that I'm really very sleepy I'm gonna sleep.

Goodnight people, see you all soon.

You all free help pray that I'll do well for my O's.

You all free help pray that everything will go smoothly for me k.

Love you.

Ending off with 2 pictures (like describing me)!

FIRST

SECOND

OK BYE BYE! SHIT, LOL KINDA WORRIED SUDDENLY. REALLY HOPE CAN GET AT LEAST 75 FOR MY PAPER 2. OKOK

Anyway, I've activated my twitter alrd. Hahaha, finally ah?

You can follow me @Chuxuanz

GOODNIGHT PEOPLE!

2011-10-16T04:26:00.000-07:00

http://scene.sg/food/best-snacks-youve-never-heard-of/

Check out the panda biscuit! The one that I actually posted earlier on! Haha. Hungry hungry now.

Anyway, guess what, my bro is cooking dinner for me!!

Ok. LOL that's all. Short update, bye!

2011-10-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

Life's terrible, now. Really really terrible. So many years of living, I've never once seen myself studying and studying. I am just so not used to it. But I know I have to. But, it's really horrible, there's just way too much things for me to study. I don't even know if my Emaths will be able to make it for O's and I'm getting so worried.

I don't know how much longer can I withstand all these things. To me it's just so torturous. I don't even have any way to improve my English and I don't wish to get a C5 or B4, B3 for my English. But it seems rather impossible for me to get an A for English. Sigh. I don't want to give up. But then...I myself is unsure of when I might give up.

Please bless me with the energy and hope to pull me through this phase of my life.

2011-10-10T02:55:00.000-07:00

After a long time,

I'm back to update. Been a long time since I used my com. Been real busy with my studies. Trying my best to catch up with everything. F9 student for Maths trying so hard to get a pass and it's making my head burst. Two maths to handle, Emaths and Amaths. Just imagine the amount of hardwork and practices I gotta put in to achieve a pass for both of it. Single digit for Amaths trying to aim a pass. Many have been telling me to give up. But...I really don't want to. And I think it's my studies, it's my life, it's up to myself to decide and I shouldn't think twice about my decision just because of what others said. Gotta be firm in my decision.

For the past few weeks and all the upcoming weeks before my O's, it's gonna be tough on me. But, it's alright. I take it. This is what I deserved for not studying hard in the past. No point regretting right, just work triply hard now. Getting weaker and weaker. Think I'm gonna get sick any time soon.

Gotta go off. Came here to relax myself a while. Guess I might have stress myself a little bit too much. Always get so annoyed when I couldn't solve a Maths question. Urgh. 10 more days to go. Don't know how long more can I take it. But no matter what, I got to and, I have to, and I will,

Persevere.

2011-09-24T08:01:00.001-07:00

10391.) Can you relate? You sit in your towel after a shower because you’re too lazy to get dressed. You and your best friend can say one word, and crack up. You hate when one string of your hoodie is longer than the other. You hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don’t. You hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway. You feel like if you turn on the lights, you will be safe from anything. You push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks. You laugh until people get hurt, then stop when you realize it’s serious. You hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them. You hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice. You pretend to sleep when your parents come in. You text the person next to you things that you can’t say out loud. You hate when people in front of you walk really slow and you can’t get past them. You’re always tired no matter how much sleep you get. You stop the microwave before it hits 00:00 to avoid hearing the beeps. You use the “sup” head nod. You just did the nod after you read it. You hate when you are mad at someone and they make you laugh. You check the fridge every ten seconds to see if food magically appeared.

2011-09-18T03:58:00.000-07:00

Seventeen September

Went Hayati's house for Hari Raya open house. I was very late. Watched movie and ate. Went to take group photos and left. Thanks for inviting us, Hayati ♥

Went home and had my dinner. Watch some show and practiced my Amaths after that. All the way till 3am. I gotta work harder.

Events that happened in my life makes me realize and understand some things. Growing up day by day, I've learnt to accept facts. All the facts, one by one. We're all living in the harsh reality. With proper education, it gets you far. With no proper education, you are nothing. With good results, people look up to you. With bad results, people look down on you. Of so many people, there will be at least one person out there trying so hard to destroy you, destroy your life. I don't know what's their motive of doing so or the satisfaction they get from doing so, but they just do.

I'm no longer living in the simple world. This world had gotten complicated as I aged. It's no longer the world where everybody is nice. People had their masks on. They don't show their true self. Some are nice to you only because you might be of help to them. People said they care about you. But when you really need someone to care, they aren't really there. You are all by yourself. Because at the end of the day, the one who cares about you the most, is actually yourself, and only yourself. No one will ever care about you more than yourself.

This world is full of unpredicted things. The one you thought cares about you the most, doesn't. The one you didn't thought would care about you the most, do. The boy you wish will be there for you, isn't there. The boy you didn't think will be there for you, is there for you. This will just be a cycle, going on and on..

Give me a break, I'm only 16 and all these shouldn't be the things I ought to handle. People around you threatening to end their life. Why do I have to live in fear of people leaving my life? Why are they so selfish to end their misery and start others?

Nobody really cares. Maybe it's right. One day when you went missing, the first day, they would all be around searching for you. The second day, the people searching for you decreases. To a day, where you'll be forgotten from all of their life.

Are all these reasons why people are so self-centered and selfish?

Because if they don't care about themselves, none others would?

I'm just too naive...

2011-09-15T07:18:00.000-07:00

Short update

Hey yo peeps! Very free today (obviously cos' I didnt spend my time wisely) Woke up in the morning had my breaklunch and headed out for shopping with my mom. No where far, just lot one. She wanted to go Watson few days back so I asked her to wait for me and we shall go together today! Since I've got no school ^__^ Wahahaha bloodsucker in action ~ It's been some time since I've been a bloodsucker. I remember when I was younger I used to spend my parents + my aunt's money, a lot. But as I grew older, I started saving and using my own $ instead. So yah, I'm back in action today again! Hahaha so we bought very little stuffs but it cost a bomb. Spent few hundred today, just at Watson, yes ~ Hahaha. Had my haircut too, finally. Seriously, no hairdresser failed to ask me to go for hair rebonding. Probably because my hair's texture really sucks. Anyway, no tuition for me today! Cancelled it because I wanted to change time from 7.30 to 8.00 but my teacher couldn't make it, so...yah changed it to another date then! Thought I'd use that time to study but nah, I'm right here using computer. Guess I'm not gonna sleep but staying up for revision, for Science. Don't really have feel for any Dnt.

Alright, goodbye people, hope you all had a good day.

And lastly, happy birthday to my sweetie, Koh Chia Hsuan. Love her lots. ♥

放在心里，告诉自己，人都是现实的。

2011-09-14T01:43:00.000-07:00

Little things mean a lot.

Hello! Feeling kinda relax now because I've got no school tomorrow. Hehe, shiok? (∩_∩) Definitely la! After so many days of prelims, finally a day off. But it's just a day, everything is still gonna resume after tomorrow. And keeps going till next Monday. And Monday doesn't mark the end, it's just the beginning of it... Man, tiring life eh? Bet everybody must have got so sick of the cycle, been going through same cycle since the start of the year. Perseverance, determination and everything else!! Ehem...everything I lack of, Ahaha!

By the way! I just text my teacher asking bout my Chemistry result. I failed by 1.5marks. Hey, I really didn't expect myself to fail. Because I thought the paper was kinda manageable though...I left a lot blanks, haha! Those are the ones that I didn't study. Ya I didn't really study, last minute again, going through my guide book and all. But I took the effort to read through my guide book and...just saying I thought the paper was really manageable leh. LOL But I guess the blanks that I left alrd enough to get me failing.

But as the optimistic me, I failed to see that I left a lot blanks. Instead, in my mind I'm like " Yes, I did so many questions! " when actually I left a lot blanks also... around probably 16marks or so? Ok la, 没关系 one! :) Am so glad my teacher got confidence in me and she's so encouraging! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for having faith in me!

10^th,

It's been so so long since I saw you. But just as I was about to give up the hope of seeing you, you appeared. I never thought I would see you again, at least not so soon. Though what I saw was only your back view, but I was certain it was you. I tried looking out for you, but you're gone. I gave up. But when I gave up, I saw you, again. It happens every time after I gave up. You appeared somewhere near my house which I least expect you would be. Nothing but just a smile and I left. But actually, I hope so much that it'd be more than that. When I see you from inside, how I wish I can go out right away, to right in front of you and see you clearly. How I wish I can see you for even just a second more. How I wish I can talk to you. How I wish we will still be as happy as how we used to be.

All in all, I miss you so much p.

Do you still remember every single thing like how I remembered it?

All these time, do you at least think about me, once?

While I'm right here missing you so badly, have you once miss me too?

Remember how everything started? How we got closer? And closer? How we hang out around the condo area? How we run about clearing the stuffs? How we waited at the carpark? How you're so energetic talking to me despite it's 2am in the morning? How fast you run when you saw your dad? How we play in the field? How you were dared to put flower at your ear? How you got so shy when we saw you having your taekwondo lesson? How you got so distracted? How we webcam? How you show me 2dollar note's face instead of yours? How you put the webcam to focus on the present I gave you? How my mom sat right beside me to webcam with you? How awkward you were that time? Just so you know, I remembered. And I guess I'll never ever forget it, for its one of the best part in my life. It's something that mean quite a lot to me. And I just wonder, is it the same for you? Do you still remember all this thing? You left me such deep impression because you are special. You aren't the same as others. The first time I know you, I found out that you don't like girls. You don't talk to girls. But I guess fate brought us together.

Just want to know. How are you? Don't smoke so much. Please take good care of yourself. Study hard. After my O's, I would love to meet up with you, to see you. But will you? I just wanna take a close look at you. I just miss how close we used to be. Really want to know so much about your life.

No matter where or when you text me. So long as it's you.

I'll definitely be more than happy to reply.

我舍不得，但时间回不去了

I miss you, I really do. Really really do.

2011-09-14T00:58:00.001-07:00

A touching video

2011-09-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

人类都是现实的，对不对？

2011-09-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

Restricting yourself from food you like is a challenge.

Hi I am back. Am in the midst of having my prelims now. Till next Monday.. Shag, like still quite long. It's 10:47pm now and I'm still not starting my revision for Geo paper tmro. I know I should start now but the mood just ain't there. I know, it's not the time to talk about mood now, I have to study.

Wanted to replenish my sleep. Took a nap during the afternoon but after few hours, my father constantly called me up for dinner despite me saying later and later. So yah...my sleep ain't fully replenished yet and I'm dead beat. From all the things happening in my life. Not in a sad way, just tired physically, not mentally. So yah. Or maybe....actually both. But just tired la, ain't sad kind of tired, no worries! :)

Anyway wahahaha I bought tibits to eat again. :b Didn't spend a single cent on my meal today and I thought I could save it all up. I thought, until I chanced upon the snacks shop and decided to buy this two biscuit chocolate. $4.30 leh! I don't know why are they so expensive. Would rather top up a few more cents and buy long john, which is more filling right, ha-ha. But oh-well.

My favourite ice-cream chocolate biscuit! Sweet sweet one ^_^ The topping of the ice-cream really nice eh!

Didn't try this before, so I decided to get it. Look at the packaging, the panda like so cute and pretty right. I was attracted by it, mostly by the milk chocolate (panda's face) because I believe it would be nice. So I bought it. Went home opened it up. Just a small packet with very little panda head! Hahaha. Ended up you know each panda head cost around 20cents LOL But look,

Major difference with the packaging's panda?! Hahaha this is called, "packaging is deceiving" But it's okay, I guess it's because it had melted. Afterall, it doesn't taste bad! It's quite nice! And I finished all up within 5mins, wahahaha. Taste quite similar to the hamburger chocolate biscuit. The one same brand as my ice-cream chocolate biscuit. If you know what I'm talking about la, the taste quite similar :)

They say chocolate make girls happy. Because there is some content in it which makes them feel so. But...got meh? I don't eat chocolate because I'm feeling sad. I eat, because I feel like it. I eat, because my mouth itchy hahaaha! I'm just craving for some junk food to bite on.

Anyway, had Amaths and Chemistry paper today. Chemistry was kinda manageable, I supposed. Hopefully I pass because I don't wanna burden my whole class in their hope of getting mac from Mrs Chiew. And as for Amaths. It just sucks man!!! TOTALLY.

I tell you, I do the questions till my pekchek level reach its maximum. It's like the chapters my tuition teacher taught me, I tried doing, BUT I COULD'T GET THE ANSWER. I'm stubborn when it comes to such thing. Or maybe not only such thing. I glued myself to the question, telling myself " I WILL SOLVE YOU!! " so I don't care, I spend almost half an hour solving that around 3marks question and fuck?! I still can't get the answer!!! YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYED?! How I wish my tuition teacher was right beside me to guide me, how i wish, I COULD TEAR THE PAPER UP. Irritating sia. The main point is the question doesn't seems that hard to me. SO WHY IS IT THAT I CAN'T SOLVE, WTF. And yesterday where I can have my last round of revision before my paper 1, my tuition teacher was sick and couldn't make it.

It's like...there's still so many chapters of Amaths that my tuition teacher haven't finished teaching? And it's only around a month more to O'level?! And she told me I'd have enough time. ?!?!?! I bet I'm gonna be stressed by the tuition teachers during the last few weeks man. Bet they're just gonna be like throwing all the questions at me and then just telling me " practice is what you need " Argh damn. Not that I don't wanna work hard. Like I said, rushing through to teach me and then expecting me to know how to do. Aiya also not their fault la. Forget it.

where should i go?

to the left where nothing's right

or to the right where nothing's left

2011-09-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

10 things about Leo.

1] Never ignore your Leo or forget that you had plans, unless you don't want to see them anymore.

2] If a Leo encounters hardship in life, they often survive with their good humor and positive outlook intact.

3] Leo, may get upset, but will never hold a grudge no matter occurred.

4] Leo,sometimes have a hard time holding onto money,only because there is nothing they feel they don't deserve once they decide they want it.

5] Leo despises dull and ordinary things. If life is not exciting enough for them they will create their own excitement.

6] As a Leo, since you are not flexible in obeying others, you are often misjudged.

7] As a Leo, It is likely that an attitude has been instilled in you that you can do anything you want.

8] As a Leo,You have a healthy belief in yourself and many of the benefits in life are conferred through your ability to follow your heart.

9] As a Leo,remember bending to suit someone else produces initial results but not future benefits

10] As a Leo,You’re a lot more sensitive and vulnerable than anyone would expect.

Alright, I'm done with 10 things about Leo. Just being random, ha-ha!

The above all quite positive, if you wanna know the negative, some common thing I see negative about Leo is saying they're bossy and proud/arrogant.

So I guess, that's all. 2 more days and school reopening! Urgh.. Though I pretty much enjoy school, with the accompany of my classmates and friends. But, I just dislike waking up early in the morning and fighting with time, ensuring that I won't be late. Still left with 3hrs of detention not served, waa. Hopefully Ng forgets about it and don't call me back.

O level is nearing, so is graduation day. Ahh, dread it. 4 years of my life in Secondary School just end like this. Kinda...sad? I can't find the right word. But yes, I'll miss all the time spent in Secondary School. Will the next part of my school life be like how it is in Secondary now?

So contradicting. Wants O'level to end soon so I can enjoy myself. But on the other hand, O'level nearing = graduation day nearing = separation. Really, time just pass a bit too fast? Too fast that sometimes I actually got confused of the events happening in my life. Thinking it was just recently but no, it's already been years.

But I guess if we're going to poly, we'll meet a lot of our old friends there. Old friends as in primary school ones. And hopefully we'll be with our Secondary School friends too? First, dread separation in primary 6. Now, dread separation in Sec 4. Next what? Time really pass too fast man! Why is it in a blink of an eye my teenage life is alrd ending soon?!

Yes there's a lot of ups and downs in a teenage life. But it's also the period where by we grow through all those things that happened. Though we experience time whereby we think it's very bad, but i bet it won't be as bad as being an adult. Shiat...y we grow so fast?! Afterall, I guess being a teenage is the best period in the whole of our life.

Separation really sucks man.

Anyway, I've been blogging since I'm in primary school. But every single time I changes my blogskin, I delete all my post. Because...my posts are all really ugly, hahaha! I think I twit a lot. Oh c'mon, it's what most of the girls do when they're young and that doesn't exclude me, hahaha! Serious ah, whhye wiie lyke thu twiit thart murch iin dhe phast? Wa ok really enough, LOL! But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that....I shouldn't have deleted all those posts! If not I can track back my past life. Think I'm not gonna delete all the posts in this blog. Until I'm a grown up. Until I have children. Hahaha! At least it's in the internet, not in book form, no need to be afraid to lose it. 20years later when I'm 36 I shall see how I behave when I'm 16.

Bye!

2011-09-09T00:57:00.000-07:00

EVERYDAY I'M TUMBLIN'

Pictures

---

---

---

THIS IS ME!! SO ME!!

Animation

When you're with your best friend and you see the guy she likes,
then you look at her like

Typing

Me :

My parents :

---

That moment when you already packed your school bag and someone gives you back the pen they lent from you earlier.

---

Teacher : Can you explain how you got that answer?

That awkward moment when everyone is serious and you start laughing...

Just like me everytime! Haha, during morning assembly and even during my O'level English Oral! When I read " she received her violin on her third birthday " to " she received her violin on her third party "

Really got the sudden urge to laugh out loud! Lucky I know the importance of this Oral and controlled man. It was terrible controlling my laughter while trying to continue reading hahaha

Lastly..

Spent my time tumblin' & I'm now so tired. Haven't start studying yet.
Dam, forever like this.

Wanted to plan a schedule yesterday but didn't do so. See, lazy to a state that I was even lazy to plan! Incurable..

Anyway. My hair is in a terrible condition, Lol. Okay just random because I really think so. In terms of everything, texture and everything. So long no trim.

Ok bye bye.

2011-09-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

Precious Diamonds

Hi! Back to blog on the post I wanted to. So it means...no more owing of post already! Hehe C:

Meetup with my sweethearts recently. Originally planned, a dinner together + some catching up. But I clean forgotten about my tuition at night!

Anyway, the dinner was cancelled in the end and changed to some " practising of amaths " instead. What a drastic change, like Lol huh! So after my tuition, I relax awhile, eat and bath before heading out. Was so tired because it's already around 11pm! Luckily my dad volunteered to drive me to Jingci's house. Hehe, if not I'd have to walk all the way there...

Arrived @ her house shortly! Not bad leh, some of them were really doing amaths, hahaha! Obviously not totally focusing, was talking and doing. But everything became worse when I came, hahaha!

I already told them we would talk instead of doing one lor. But they just tell me " just bring " Ya in the end I prepared the book, stationery and all, but didn't use. This is so...chuxuan hor hahaha!

Started talking all the way till everyone left. They stalker! They told me before I came, they put my photo in the middle of the table and started analysing me. Joker right them! But it's sweet to know that they actually made an effort to truely understand you. ♥ aw, haha!

Ya hor! I think the moment I came in they never " hi " me but instead laugh at my hair LOL Because I tied it up earlier on, and then let it down when I go there. Then it got a mark there and then my hair like pomp up. But then you know, i like...hahaha don't care ah.

There's a reason for our twisting. Because it was related to the topic we were talking about. For us to know, for you to never find out!

Anyway play play fun fun talk talk before Celeste and Yehlin gotta go. I keep on thinking Yehlin resembles someone in my Secondary School! In terms of her character and action, but I just can't think of who is it!

After that left me and Cheryl at Jingci's house. We stayed all the way to around 1am or 2am! I forgotten. Cheryl was very tired but I wasn't. I was initially but then later on no. I ownself enthu whereas the two of them lie on the bed la! Ask Jingci see thing and she'll be like " ah I want to sleep... " Cheryl one is...totally no reaction hahaha!

That Hojingci keep on fighting with me one sia! Fighting for a pillow just to...cover fats LOL Nonsense ah us.

Cheryl Chia! Haha she really lika tired lor. So after I'm done with what I want to do, woke her up and decided to head back home!

But then...! Jingci's whole family went to escort us all the way till our doorstep sia. So nice of them hor! Hahaha but we like burden, so paiseh la! Because it's already past midnight yet Jingci + her parents have to walk home together with us to ensure our safety.

Like we ownself come out play yet when go home, burden until people need send us home. So paiseh :$

But thanks uh! Love love you, muacks! ♥ Haha!

The end of the day! They my precious diamonds! Known them for very long already sia.

In the past I still kept telling Cheryl " I think we confirm in the future won't meet alrd, confirm separate " But we didn't!! And you know, there's really this special bond between us, that makes us so comfortable even after not meeting each other for a long time.

It's like the moment you see them, everything goes back to how it used to be. The closeness and everything. Not a single bit of awkwardness, how awesome is that! These type are really true friends you should keep for your life.

I just have no idea how some other people can actually be so complicated. What you see isn't what they really are. This is scary and people shouldn't even be acting like this. Just what's on their mind right?

2011-09-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

很偶尔的，你还会找我，联系我
你的突然出现，还是会挑拨我的心弦
只是。。。

我学会了对你伪装
不冷不热，不咸不淡
笑得没心没肺，也不会再流那廉价的眼泪

慢慢地，听着你对我说 “你变了”
是的，过去的都已经过去了

I've told you. But nothing goes in. You listen, if you are not going to help yourself, nobody is able to help you. Do you or do you not get it? You don't appreciate, you just don't. If you wanna talk everything over again, can. You start right from the beginning, you see it yourself. You will see the whole story.

By the time, you will know. How naive you've been. How stubborn you've been. How obstinate you've been.

Open up your eyes. See it for yourself. Even if this is gonna end, it only signify the end of this and not everything. Why can't you just get it?

You get this clear. I, am not gonna let anyone destroy my life. Nobody is gonna do so, including you. You want to end, I'm prepared to end. Since it's not worth it. Didn't expect the outcome of it to be actually like this.

Do you know?
You are such a disappointment.

A major one.

2011-09-05T02:48:00.000-07:00

Haha shit! I got the temptation to go Etude house major shopping again!

Why I suddenly shopping spirit so high!

Guess girls will be girls. Really can't wait for O's to be over (though I haven't started revising) so I can do whatever I like instead of being so restricted like now! Can't do things at ease. Mind occupied by other things. Also, after O's I can work, earn money, buy things I like + I can go for cooking lesson and cook delicious food!

Anticipating!

Suddenly remember the little action of his. Heh, so sweet :*

2011-09-05T02:24:00.000-07:00

INSTAX HELLO KITTY

Back to update you guys on the bidding of Instax Hello Kitty. Got so distracted by the bidding today when I was in school! Can't wait to get back home to switch on my computer to bid. It's...really fun! (that is, only if you are participating in the bidding, plainly look at it just make me bored man)

Not back here with any good news. Just wanna say...look at how siao some people go for bidding. Sorry if you can't see the picture clearly. Try double clicking it? Look at that hardcore96. I must say, he/she really hardcore la! Or either that he/she is a die-hard fan of hello kitty or he/she cannot afford to lose.

C'mon la, the retail price of this kitty instax is only $299. Just two-hundred and ninety-nine bucks. But look at the amount of bids! 959. Do you all know how much one bid cost? $1. Half of the bid is from that hardcore96. Woah, calculate la, he/she already spend more than $299! Seriously, if that person fail to get this. I don't know what to say. Blame it on his/her badluck. Wasted few hundred bucks in return for nothing. It's not as if this can't be bought on internet. Some blogshop + livejournal does sells it!

In my point of view. People bid to get things at a cheaper price. But ah...this hardcore96 so hardcore till go to the extent of spending more than the retail price also don't care. "oh my god" Haha! I inserted the " because of an inside joke, Lol!

Ya! I went over to my friend's house earlier on for horror movie again! Chaba! Realised I've watched it before only when it starts playing. Can't recognise the movie from the cover. Anyway, wasn't really concentrating because was distracted by this kitty instax! But well, waste of my time. Someone bring me back to the right track of studying?! Lol! This can't continue. But I've got a feeling that...I'm already addicted to bidding. Oman.

Really so cute leh the Hello Kitty Instax.

By the way, the hardcore96 is on autobidding. Maybe that person himself/herself doesn't even know he/she had spent way over the retail price! With the amount he/she had bidded, can buy 2 of that already sia! Hot sia this item.

Okay I off to...hehehe. Byebye!

2011-09-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

INSTAX MINI

See, there's so many nice things on Earth! So it's definitely worth living! Hahaha okay crapping again. But love your life!

I wanna bid for this leh! Hahaha. But by the time my school end tomorrow, the bidding for this will end soon too ): Sad leh! Arbo I can bid, and if I lucky I might win it! And I'll be happy till over the moon man! Heehee. Pretty pretty, cute cute things, I like!

I'm so addicted to bidding. I can camp on the site. It's really...addictive and fun! Lol! Till I forgot I've got school tomorrow and it's already 1:17am... Man, my new distraction : bidding. This is not a good sign.

Anyway, my friends taking their N'level tomorrow.

Goodluck! Pass my goodluck to you guys and all the best!

XOXO

To everybody taking N'level. Best of the luck to you guys!

I AM A HAPPY GIRL. IN A HAPPY WORLD!

2011-09-04T08:16:00.001-07:00

So pretty!!

2011-09-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

CAMERA

Hi! The below pictures might be a bit blur but nevertheless, check this cutie out!

A mini camera! Ain't this cool! So mini. Sucha cutie!

Can be easily kept inside a box!

Someone....buy for me? :b

Although I think it doesn't take clear pictures...

Hahaha! Just find it cute!

2011-09-04T07:17:00.001-07:00

BIDDING VERY FUN AND EXCITING!

2011-09-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I really get so mad at doing Amaths question.

It's not because I wasn't able to solve it. It's because,

My tuition teacher merely taught me from the ten year series revision notes, in one day. And expects me to finish off all the example questions + past year examination questions. Sometimes I really do wonder if some teacher know how much work they're giving their student. Sometimes I really do wonder if some teacher do know that, we students don't solely study for their subject.

Imagine if you were me. I've already told her many times that my Maths sucks to an extent of scoring only a single-digit. But yet I still don't know why she treats me like I'm good @ Maths. I can be, but only if I've got more practice. But how can she expect me to 一步登天？Zero knowledge. Even if I can recall some of the things taught by my teacher in school, I also need to refresh. But refreshing, teaching, by just going through the revision notes + 1, 2 example questions? And next, shooting me off with the whole load of homework?

I don't mind if I can't do the question. What I mind is that, I can't do the question because I'm not fully taught regarding that chapter. No Amaths textbook required. Everything, just one Amaths ten-year-series and it settles all. I manage to do the questions in the past not because of the way she taught is useful. It's because of my effort. My own effort. Do you know how much effort I spent? Sitting down doing the questions, redoing and redoing trying to get the correct answer. She's not bad at teaching, what's the problem is just that, she needs to teach more instead of rushing everything over. I know I'm short of time. But if I don't master all this thing I'm taught now, what about later?

She went through differentiation's revision note. Yes I can recall some of the things taught. But when I see all the formula, chain rule, product rule, quotient rule. All that she told me was just " memorise " Everything she told me is memorise. I know it does help. I can, I can memorise. But what's the point of memorising when in the first place I don't even understand what the formlua is talking about? Told her and once again all I got back was just " memorise "

Seriously. Does she know that my Maths sucks, sucks and still sucks so badly? When I wasn't able to do some calculation, I got scolded. Is it my fault that I can't do the question? I've already did my part. You too have seen and know how much effort I've put in. Simply because I really wanna score well. I don't wanna throw all my tuition money and everything else down the drain. I need to score well. But please don't treat me like a girl with genius brain. I need time, time to practise and master all that well and not just in a second. Forcing will only make things turn out the other way round.

Just hope she can teach more and stop relying on ten-year-series revision notes. I am really dead tired from trying to figure out every single question how to do. I am tired and, I am stress.

When I first started my Maths tuition. I used to like it. Till I changed the teacher. Total different atmosphere. Just make me feel so awkward and uncomfortable. I want to change her away. But, she's really clever. I believe if I were taught by her, I'd be able to know many ways to do things faster and many other ways to solve questions.

Guess I'll just have to bear with everything.

No pain, no gain.

Sigh. How can studying be so torturous.

It's all our fault. Not ours, but mine.

2011-09-03T04:05:00.000-07:00

突然好想你

那时的我，对你的思念是一天又一天

孤单的我还是没有改变

美丽的梦，何时才能出现

亲爱的你，好想再见你一面。

想起那年的这个时候

你的心到底在想些什么

为什么留下这个结局

me, miss you.

2011-09-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

LONG JOHN SILVER

I am so craving for long john silver's golden deals! Wanted to order but am just too lazy to get myself out of the house to the nearest long john to buy it. Argh. I want to eat ley! Long john like got no delivery right? How come sia! Sian. I no craving for any other fast food leh...

Actually I wanted this more. I like this!!

But I also can't buy! Some kind soul contact me then deliver it to my house can? There I go...rubbish again.

EH BUT I REALLY WANT TO EAT. HOW COME LONG JOHN LIKA LOUSY NO DELIVERY SERVICES SIA.

I think must be got to do with the quality of the food. Because I once bought the fries back home to eat, the quality is not the same. Not as crunchy.

Then now how?! I eat what?! My dinner!! O yes, I skipped my lunch, haha ain't that hungry. Considering to have early dinner. Then later the time my family is back...probably I'll get something more to eat?! C:

BUT NOW HOW?!

2011-09-02T23:24:00.000-07:00

Beautiful

Hey, good morning to you! Today...the whole house belongs to me! (∩_∩) Hiak hiak hiak because, my family is out! But you know out to where? Universal Studio.. They're out there enjoying and I'm right here at my room relaxing.

No la, it's not that they didn't ask me to go. They did but I didn't want. Because at that point of time when my mom asked me, I told her " that time exam period you know a not, you still want ask me go Universal Studio. No need study ah. " So I decided not to go. Hahaha you know what she reply me a not. " Not like as if you stay at home you'll study " Now that this day had come! It seems like what my mom said was right...hahaha! But well, I don't mind relaxing at home! Because I love my room what!

Insufficient sleep once again. Woke up very blur @ 4am to off my camera's battery charger because I gotta charge it so that if my family wanted to take any pictures, they could. Then again woke up @ 8am plus to pass my mom the camera and roughly teach her how to function it. Yes...Lol!

After that went to sleep. Finally! Woke up @ 11am once again... Because I wanted to bid for something online, hahaha! But stupid la, I wasted my whole morning. I realised I can't bid with the free coins. I gotta purchase my own coins before I can start bidding. So stupid of me to waste my precious sleep on bidding! But you know...bidding is thrilling and fun LOL!

Making breakfast for myself! Ya I like to do so especially when I'm the only one at home! Because I can do whatever I want! And make the kitchen into a mess! But so long as I clean it...nobody will know! ;)

So! After I realised how stupid I was that I can't bid. I decided to make my ideal breakfast for myself hahahah. Yah having bread with milo somehow seems to be my ideal breakfast. It's either that or egg + sausage and milo! Yah all consist of egg and milo. I don't know why? Probably because it's easy to make. I'm not that pro yet to make some super chim food. Wait till I go get some lesson! Can try pancake for breakfast too! I know how! It's just a matter of...hehe fail or pass ^-^

Anyway. I forgotten how to hard boil an egg LOL. I somehow remember la. But when I was boiling it for like around 5 minutes only the whole water boil like siao. I'm the only one @ home and I scared some explosion might happen then later I die myself. But I think won't explode right? I don't know la. My science sucks and i lazy to use my brain to think.

So....

I youtube-d to find out how to hard-boil an egg! In the end it's the same as what I did la. It'll boil like siao. Just that after 3-5mins gotta let it cool before boiling it in small fire again.

Anyway my egg is done! So I went to get ham, bread, and make my milo!

Hehe my breakfast! C:

To be honest...it's not very nice leh. Lol! I don't know why. But my milo is nice! Fattening man. I ate 2 hard-boil egg. 2 ham. 2 pieces of bread. and drank 2 cups of milo. Hahah I was merely following the Chinese saying of

" 早上吃得饱。下午吃得好。晚上吃得少。"

Yeahhhhh, 吃得饱吃得饱, 我吃得很饱. Also mainly because I was thinking. Probably I can combine my breakfast and lunch together. Because right. I don't wanna go out to buy lunch la! Lazygirl. Arbo another option is I cook lunch for myself again. Actually I quite like eating the fried rice I cooked! Like nice! To me, hahaha!

So right now after eating, I'm surfing net, online window shopping. And blogging! Like quite relax. I like. But...I haven't do any work yet. Need to do some work later. Boring maximum -_- Have been doing Maths, Maths, Maths. Because it talks about practising. Man, got so bored by it. Amaths Amaths Amaths, siao. Tomorrow Amaths tuition again. Actually today have one, but then I postponed it. Good choice man! If not I won't be able to enjoy now. Hehe.

Ok am planning to maybe like...tidy up my room and house later. Then wash the dishes. Being nice! So that when my family come back from a tiring day @ Universal Studio, they can just relax. Not my family la, my parents. My bro come back also play computer only.. At least I washed dishes alrd my parents no need to do so.

HOPEFULLY it'll go like this la. Otherwise, it'll just be me. Using net all day long surfing some of my favourite webs!

Okay, back to update soon again! Xoxo!

2011-09-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

It's my life.

Busy girl is back! Some good news for...okay me, hahaha! I'm finally done with my dnt after 8 months of torture! Finally finally, it's been tough man...I'm really glad that everything has finally come to an end. To those taking dnt next year for O's. Really, goodluck to you guys. I think you all really need it, Lol!

My contextual drawing. I took so long to draw and colour it. I woke up at 3am I guess? During one morning to do the drawing, all the way till 6 plus and I went to prepare for school. Tired. This is before the lady uses my product. Looking very sad with all the messy photos on table. And...

This is after the lady uses my product! Looking very happy with photos neatly organised! Hahaha I know I very rubbish. My product ain't that good to make a person's expression changes from sad to happy. But o'well...I like. You can't do anything. Lol!

I coloured the 2 pictures separately, so time consuming! But I can't directly photocopy, because some parts of it have to change.

This! I took close to 2 hours to draw it! Seriously! I got so mad because no matter how I draw, I just couldn't get it right, it just seems wrong!

I ask my bro to help me see the drawing, he kept on telling me it's alright. But to me, it's never alright. I thought all those that I drew were really terrible. Perhaps it's just me having high expectation, because I really wanna score an A.

I panicked, because just when I thought everything is gonna be done soon, I got stuck on this drawing. Tell you, that moment just sucks so badly.

This is so much easier! Got it settled within 5 mins. Look at how many times I tried sketching the circle one. It's more than that actually, I used more than 5 pieces of A4 paper, trying to get the angle right, but I just can't. Looking at it now...Actually it seems alright. Argh don't know la. At that point of time, what's on my mind is just that, I must try my best to make it be the best it can be.

That's why, sometimes having high expectation for stuffs sucks. You can't move on. You'll keep on staying there. Srsly la, can't believe I spent near to 2 hours drawing it.

Got this done quite fast too. I just have no idea why the circle took so long! I've been spending so much time on dnt. I actually think it's not worth it. But to me, dnt is like a subject you can score. Since it's somehow like an open book. But, it's not that easy to score afterall. Even after putting in a lot of effort, you might not get your expected results.

That day is really crazy. I started doing dnt @ 3pm. All the way till the next day, 5pm. It's more than 24 hours! Yes I didn't sleep. The tiredness, it's like, wa... I skip my lessons and stayed in the workshop all the way till 5pm just to complete my dnt.

Anyway I don't know why. Just got a feeling I can't score an A. I think at most B or a C. Sigh, disappointing. It's really not worth it. Not worth it that we spend so much time on it in exchange for just a B or C. Ok la... it's set, nothing can change now too. Just hope for the best.

Hahaha anyway my drawing dirty right. Every time I uses crayon it'd be like this. My sketchbook is dirty too! With all the pencil mark. My drawing isn't good but what I actually care is just...

I AM FINALLY DONE WITH DNT.

Woahoo! Ok I getting tired. I severe lack of sleep due to dnt. So many sleep sacrificed just for it! Update tomorrow! Or soon! Because I've got something to update, hahaha. Bye guys!

2011-08-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

I wanna earn enough money to let me have fun.

To have great fun. To enjoy my life to the max.

Blend my life well. There's bad, there would be good.

2011-08-28T06:15:00.000-07:00

Gotta maintain maintain ah, ha!

I.can't.wait.

2011-08-27T00:53:00.001-07:00

Go for it, work for it ;-)

2011-08-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

Studying for my exam tomorrow, but obviously I can't concentrate fully! Oh damn.. Silly me just made a wish @ 11:11 - hoping what I had studied for essay would come out tomorrow. Naive but c'mon, no harm trying right! Though my wish is pretty obvious that, it won't come true. Gotta rely on my luck! Seriously, don't tell me study all, it's way too much. My brain can burst in front of you to see man.

And I still couldn't make up my mind as to whether I should improve from an A2 to an A1 for my Chinese. I got to give a reply to my teacher tomorrow. I'm really in a dilemma man, a serious one!! Retaking or not retaking, both have got its good or bad! Which advantage more? I really couldn't differentiate, urgh, it's troubling me! Hate to be rushed to make a decision. Studying for exam, I where got time for such thinking? But I know, in my mom's heart, although she say it's up to me, I know she wants me to retake. I know she's kinda disappointed in me getting an A2 instead of A1. That's why I wanna retake... But I don't wanna spend less time on other subjects. WHAT SHOULD I DO?! Argh...

Currently chatting with my friend now. Procrastinating again lor. I really hate to force myself in doing things I don't wanna do yet I still got to. Like I once said, things like studying!! I'm really not a girl who likes to study! My friend just told me today that " studying is fun! " I totally went oh my god...did you like just said that... What sia, fun?! Sleeping and eating sounds better. Though....like actions of a pig hahahah!

OK LA BYE LA. STUDY. ANNOYED.

2011-08-21T03:50:00.000-07:00

looking forward to the bright days ahead.

大家好! Good evening everybody! Busy little girl. Just finished my Amaths tuition not long ago. Looking at the state I'm in, it seems like I've got not enough time to catch up with my Amaths. Sigh. I'm left with so little time. Totally not enough for me to pass, not to say, scoring well for it. Want to increase the number of time of tuition, but do i even have time for it? I've to complete so many things. Moreover, money? Craziness okay, spending 1000 plus bucks on tuition per month. Damn. It's all my fault. It's a total waste of money. All these are not necessary.

Anyway,

I am finally done with my solidworks! Super happy girl that day! I've been having problems mating all the parts together. Went to school, consulted my teacher, he had problem doing so too. He helped me do some of it, and I did the rest of it myself, yes, finally can! Happiness level increase! Until the mating of the base... Had problem, teacher couldn't solve, I couldn't solve too. Luckily, there's Jaiharen, who knows how to! My saviour, really!! I was getting so sad because I'm finally done with it yet I'm left with the last part. Luckily there's him to help me!! Genius in Solidworks! I am really so happy when it's done, like finally! So grateful towards them! Helping me when I needed help. Thanks! ♥

Have I shown you all?

This is my final product! The one that I spent so much precious time on! The one I kept going back during June holiday to complete. The one that I once got so upset because I couldn't complete it when others are done with their product. But now...everything is alright! At that point of time, I really could feel the changes, from rain to rainbow. Awesome!! Also, thanks to those people who kept on cheering me up, asking me to persevere and not to give up, lending me a helping hand when I needed one. one ♥ for you guys, my little angels! Hehe (∩_∩)

Anyway, I'd to retake the photos. Because my teacher said the photos I took ain't good, didn't show all the photos I wanted to put in my product. Haiyo, shag ah gotta go cut out the circular photo. From where ah sia.

I wanted to complete everything regarding DNT excluding my presentation board 3 during the weekend. But I can't. Plan always spoil... I don't know how to do my pb 2. If I don't have the part drawing, I can't continue my design journal. Can some Solidworks pro fly over to my house to help me? I need help!! If I complete everything in school, don't even know if I'll have enough time not. Final dateline, no more extending, this coming Friday!! It's getting near!!

Alright shall not waste time. Off for physics revision! Bye guys!

2011-08-20T06:10:00.000-07:00

my hand in yours

Hi guys! After neglecting my blog for quite some time, I'm finally back! Hehe, happy to see me?! Nope not me, my post! Hahahaha alright just kidding.

My days are getting better day by day. At least no more negative thoughts that kills my mind and, I feel happier! Just that I'm getting busier and busier. Been dealing with my Maths and Dnt. Guess I had neglected my other subjects way too much. My prelims is starting just this coming Monday. Have to manage time real well, hopefully. If not I'll die badly man.

It's been so long since I last use computer! I feel so happy when I on my computer today and starting surfing net!! Hahahaha miss that kind of feel! Okay I know must control. Won't use so often unless on weekend I guess.

And guys, I had finished my O'level English Oral! Yay! Unsure of how well I fared, probably not so good? Because I was very nervous!! I was the first!! I am dam nervous okay!! And I didn't know dam is not a very good word.... The invigilator saw me in the state I'm, he smiled n' asked " are you very nervous? " and I very naturally just replied " Yeahhhhh, dam nervous " Woah... Think everything just went down, Lol! Hope it doesn't affect anything man!! The invigilator kept on nodding his head agreeing with me and " yeah, good! mm, excellent! " Really meh, like 敷衍 me only lor ): I doubt that my standard is that good to the extent of him excellenting me. But it would be good if I really did well! BLESS ME, ♥

Oh and I got back my O level Chinese result already! Really dislike myself for having the wrong mindset everytime.. Before I take my Chinese paper, I told myself " it's alright even if I didn't score well this time, I can retake " Ya man, retake retake. I shouldn't even have that thought in the first place. I flip through my notes over and over again, I couldn't study and didn't really bother because yes, " I can retake " Right before the exam start, I told myself ok last one hour, study. Ya la end up talking because " I can retake " Dam it man. Then got back my result on Thursday. An A2 with Distinction. I am so disappointed. I didn't finish around 5-7 marks for my paper. I guess I might have did badly fr my paper, like real bad. If only I had time to finish the question, I won't be like this, can't decided if I should retake anot. That question I left blank could have lifted me from an A2 to A1. A1 with distinction, that would be so perfect. But I didn't score it. I really want to retake. But others are telling me not to, because my other subjects are weak, they told me to focus on it. I agree. But I really don't want to see an A2 on my report card. I can't make up my mind. I can't assure myself that I'll score A1 once I retake. If I don't, I'd be wasting my time. But one thing I know is, if I don't score A1 for my Chinese, 我会很对不起自己. And I might have regrets for the rest of my life. It's really ugly to have A2 on your report card. If you say it's good enough, relate it, the subject you scored A2, is your best subject, how'd you feel? It's my fault, yes. For having the mindset of retaking in the first place. Shit this!! Argh

If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song.

Okay random because just nice that song is playing on radio now. I don't wanna die young, pls!! I've got a lot of things I wanna do!! Although my will power to survive is very strong, don't test me.

I haven't get the black spot on my mouth check out. Arranged for an appointment but school timing just keep on clashing with it. I'm really too busy to slot a time for it. I'm afraid it's really like what the doctor said, tumor. I am still young!! Don't torture me like this? :c Getting worried because the black spot is getting bigger + my stomach is getting more frequent short pain now. Please don't let all the bad thing happen at this time.

Please just bless me with a healthy body? Let me be a happy and healthy girl.

God, protect me please.

I really don't wanna have any illness.

I'll be such a burden if I really do...

Can only hope that black spot is just some pigmentation and nothing much!! Can only hope that my stomach having frequent pain is because I don't eat on regular timing!! Just hope for the best, that nothing bad happen.

Really had enough. Please end it here.

2011-08-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

Give myself a break.

I am back again! Because as said in my title, I'm giving myself a break! A break from

Design N Technology!

Okay it's tiring... I still got so much more to catch up. But I'm not gonna complain or say anything. Because even if I were given a second chance, I guess I'll still stay the same, I guess I'll still do @ this time instead of doing it earlier. So no complains! You choose your own path, choices have consequences!! Hahahaha

I was bored while doing my work so I took picture again! G-I-R-L-S LOL. Think tonight not sleeping to complete my sketchbook. Hopefully I've the energy to!! And glad that there's someone accompanying me. It's always good to have someone instead of being alone! He better not put me aeroplane and halfway go sleep man. I told him " steady, you don't aeroplane again " and he's like " aeroplane no more fuel, can't fl y " LOL JOKER! Though I still trust myself...believe that at the end of the day...he'll still aeroplane me!! Disappointment )-: No lar just kidding! ^__^

You know I feel like snacking!! So boring to keep on doing your work without eating. I feel like pampering myself to some good food tomorrow too! Not high end food like those in restaurants la. Students like us having pizza hut, pastamania, we'd alrd be happy enough. We contented one okay! Woo talking about food I wanna go DXE!! Be kind soul buy me the hotplate tofu from there leh.. *drool* )-: NICE LOR. OK I EXTREMELY HUNGRY NOW... Wrong choice to start the food topic... URGH. START FOOD TOPIC YET NO FOOD TO EAT. TERRIBLE.

I'm becoming a glutton man. Keep on eating non-stop. I think all this started during our " hot dnt period " whereby we keep on coming back 2 school during holiday for DNT. That's the time I keep on eating and then i feel like it's...fun hahahaha. I don't know why!! My appetite suddenly increase and then very good. I GOT ADDICTED TO FOOD! #fattening. I know fat lah, but I like don't care. It's not exactly don't care too. I care, but you fat then you fat la. You want eat then you get fat then....like that la hor ^__^ I bear the consequences!! Ok I'll exercise...if I'm hardworking enough LOL Who can resist the temptation to eat la!!

Okay I very happy. And, it's genuinely happy. That makes me happier. Sometimes, letting go of some of your thoughts really makes you feel better a lot...a million times better! I like this feeling I'm having now!! Happy girl (∩_∩)

Goodnight lovelies!

2011-08-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

I am back to update once again! Ikr...ji active yi xia ;) Thanks huh. Hahaha make it alive now before I'm gonna leave it dead once my school starts again tomorrow! Can only come back n' blog during holiday/weekend. Most probably ah, cos that's the only time I'll have extra time.

Just finished my tuition not long ago! Haven't done anything for DNT yet...Have been mugging for Maths and neglected DNT. Terrible. I'm gonna aim high for my DNT man, if I didn't score an A1, all my effort in the past would be gone to waste. Bobian that for the next 2 days, I got to chiong like mad. Sigh, can sense the tiredness charging towards me...Still remembered how I burn midnight oil in the past to complete my Sketchbook every single time when the dateline nears. That's a nightmare... Better not remind myself of it now.

I think at this state I'm going, even if my Maths could improve, guess my other subjects would either still stay the same (as bad) or become badder. I really sucks maximum @ planning and managing time well man... Help me!!

Okay ah, I don't have any wish for now except for one!

Nope, not about love.

Nope, not about friendship.

Nope, not about family.

Nope, not about money.

Nope, not about myself but....

ABOUT DNT! I seriously just have that only wish now. And that is, being able to hand in a great work for my DNT on time. I wanna score an A1!!! All the effort in the past scoring less than an A, is totally not worth it!!! ONLY AN A!!!

Ok please grant my wish. Thank you very much. Love x.

2011-08-10T03:59:00.000-07:00

Hi guys, back 4 a quick update! Really dam quick update, because I this girl here very busy! The above picture is supposed to be the outcome of my solidworks. Supposed to be, but I've no idea how to mate them all together!! I'm just placing them, haven't mate yet. Dam hard to mate!! How sia!! I spend a quarter of my day trying very hard to download solidworks because it kept on failing me. But now that I'd successfully downloaded it, i don't know how to mate!!

Urgh dam busy dam busy. I have to complete my DNT sketchbook by Friday and yet this little thing is still not done yet! Can't spend more time on it because my tuition is gonna start real soon! @ 7:30pm and it's already 6:58pm now!! I haven't bath and haven't pack my room and get my stuffs ready for tuition!! I haven't eat somemore!!

EXTREME BUSY SCHOOLGIRL LIFE. SPARE ME MORE TIME PLS!

2011-08-10T00:18:00.000-07:00

beauty in little things

Hi hi I'm back once again! Feeling...great! ;) Anyway, happy belated birthday, Singapore!

Stay strong like always! Chuxuan loves you!

Kinda sad that this is the last year we gonna have SR Nathan as our President. And the last year we're gonna see him on NDP too. He's our President for so long already! From what I know, he've been our President since I'm born. I think? Grateful for all the things he'd done for our country, thank you, Mr SR Nathan! May the new President be as good as him too.

Anyway! I found out that, sometimes, you just gotta force yourself in doing something. Even if you don't like, even if you don't want. YOU JUST HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF! Something like...studying!! LOL Successfully forced myself in studying the whole day yesterday. Actually not really studying, it's just memorising some Amaths Trigo formula my tuition teacher told me to... Abit pointless right?

I told her " what for memorise all these when I'm given the formula sheet? "

She asked " who told you one? "

I replied her " A lot people ah. And I say it myself too, we're really given a formula sheet what "

And then she " What they say are all....bullshit! Even if you have the formula sheet, you don't understand them, you don't know how apply them, what's the use? "

I went like O.O and thinking " woah you actually bullshit me LOL " and I guess she saw my expression, she told me. I'm serious, I'm not lying. There's no point in having a formula sheet if you don't know how apply. But whatever it is, I still went to memorise it ah. Since she's my tuition teacher, and if i wanna score well, just gotta listen to her lor. But she dam open lei srsly, as a tuition teacher, like so openly say the word bullshit to her student.

Anyway, been feeling better lately! Feel that I shouldn't torture myself like this. Relax a bit, if not all those thinking can really kill. I know thinking too much are inevitable but...just gonna control lor? Don't know how am I gonna do that but just....do it?

At least knowing that...I feel happier, the feeling is just so wonderful! Past few days really sucks badly. And even though life hasn't been good the past few days and things hasn't been going well for me the past few months. I question myself, if I'm able to swap life with others, would I?

And my answer is a definite no. Heh. Guess afterall my life don't suck that badly. Guess afterall, it's not that bad being me, living my life! Though I actually don't like being me for a period of time!!

Feeling better guess probably because...something's getting better!

Something only I shall know ;-)

OH BTW. YOU KNOW THE GREEN WOODPECKER FLEW OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND STOOD THERE AGAIN YESTERDAY!! WHY AH

Hahahaha actually frankly speaking, I don't know why girls like to take pictures that much too. Ok not pulling all the girls down the water la, me okay, me. LOL I don't know why I like to take pictures that much too.

Hmm but actually, also not that much lah!! Hor? I know got one period of time I like to take pictures a lot! But now, not so probably. I like to take pictures @ sunny places! As in places where we interact with the nature? Haiya I don't know how describe LOL

Guess it's just natural for girls to love to take pictures! Just like how some boys love taking pictures of....their hair.... LIKE WHY?! WHY OF EVERY PART OF YOURS....YOU CHOOSE YOUR HAIR?! LOL Really got me puzzled. Especially when I went YOG last year, saw some boys from other country, don't wanna watch the athletes on the track running, instead there taking photo of each other's hair.

Seriously, it's just hair. The whole screen is covered by the hair. I am down there like what?!?! Why huh? Lol! What's so nice about taking pictures of your zoom in hair? It's not as though his hair @ that point of time is style till very nice. Kaycey and I just laugh so mad @ the scene la. Really dam joke man.

Okay got to force myself into doing something I don't like that much!

You know, I know.

X BYEBYE X

I see something so beautiful ahead of me ～（∩＿∩）